Tagged: writing

Sep 05

DONUTS!!!

I’m obsessed.  I don’t know why or how it happened, but one day it was a mild curiosity – “Hmm, when’s the last time I had a bakery donut?  Why don’t I remedy that?”  The next it was “WHERE’S MY FRIGGIN’ DONUT BITCHES?!”

I think I have a problem.

But here’s the funny thing… I do this with food all the time.  I develop an obsession with something edible, have to eat it every day for a week, or  a month, or… well…  there was almost a year of Eggo waffles for breakfast a while back (shiver) – The key is just giving in to the affair, and then waiting for burn out, because burn-out always happens.

Sooner or later.

It interests me to no end though, this tendency towards solitary food-coma – I do it with my writing snacks as well.  With my most recent play it was (shiver) Funyuns.

I don’t know what is wrong with me.

But I guess I’m not too curious in finding out either because I’m currently stuffing my face with this morning’s hard won DONUTS… I had to get up early to get them and everything :)

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Posted in The Daily Drool

Aug 21

Comparing Colors

There is a strange thing that happens to me when I see or read a new play – I become an instant audience member, then an analyst, then a peer.

And no matter what the initial two verdicts, that third position can be a real bitch.

Because if the play is terrible, or mediocre, I wonder how in the world it got produced/published whilst I’m sitting on a stack of (what I think to be) pretty damn good UNproduced, UNpublished material of my own.  And if the play is good, well, I wonder the same damn thing- “Why not me?”

Then I wonder if my judgement is off, if the pile of gold on my hard drive is maybe of the foolish variety, and what in the world am I doing running a race that is so haphazard and tiresome in the first place.

It’s maddening.

Lately I’ve been feeling a bit apathetic to the whole thing.  I mean, I go through phases, because some days I am all spit and vinegar, while others find me curled around a book, daydreaming about any other life than mine – but more often than not (lately, that is) I walk around in a stupor, wondering just what the hell it is I’m supposed to be doing, because surely lingering around my parents house, watching hour after hour of X-Files isn’t it… and yet, somedays, it’s all I feel like doing.

And part of me knows that this is the ebb and flow; that my pattern has never been one of steadfast ritual, and that I will (no doubt) get back on track soon enough, but it’s the quieter, less noticeable part that knows this… While the louder, more paranoid and prone to anxiety part of me is saying “WHAT THE EFF IS GOING ON HERE?!”

(Contrary to my earlier post about finding myself some modium of inner peace and acceptance, I am back to feeling frustrated and spent)

Sigh.

Sigh.

Thump.

(that was my head against the desk)

In any case, here I am, wondering just what the heck it is I need to be doing to get myself NOTICED and PRODUCED and PAID, damnit… and including lucky you in the process of complaint.

I hope, dear reader, that you are having a more relaxing time of it right now than my troubled mind.

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Posted in Playwriting, The Daily Drool

Aug 11

Nothin’ Much…

Oooooh, the morning silence… sitting here, looking at a blank screen… wondering “What have you got to say for yourself today?” and coming up blank…

Perhaps it is because things are, at present, fairly still and unknowable, so I’m resigned to a state of passive acceptance – I’m just sort of hoping for the tides to shift into something more forward-moving, more exciting… happier and with more chocolate.  (sigh)  In any case, I’m just not sure that I’ve been the most interesting person to read from these past few weeks.  Apologies on that front.

I can comment on the fact that I’m never as content as I am coming right off the completion of a writing project or heading into one with strong conviction and that lately I’ve been convinced I need to adapt my newest play into a screenplay and have written one hell of an opening 1st act for it (treatment-wise, I’m noting it all before I commit to script, even thought the muse is hopping) But that these past few days I’ve had all the energy of a slug to go at it with.  As soon as I wrap up this here little post, I’m sitting down to work!

Anyhow, the thing that is interesting in this project is that while I am super excited about the play, a screenplay presents different challenges at the same time that it opens up the world in new and wonderful ways.  The story will be the same, but some of the characters, their very lives, have already changed to suit the medium, and I’m seriously amazed at my own lack of loyalty to the rules of the stage-script… it’s kind of amazing to see the story as this free-floating amorphous creature, plyable and changing… instead of a rigid “This is how it has to be” form from the proscenium.

It’s exciting, and I think it will be a very fun, twisty, strange little screenplay when all is said and done.  I just need to get off my ass and write the damn thing- or, rather – I need to get my ass comfortable and write the thing… I mean, I can’t very well write while I’m jogging, can I?

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Posted in Playwriting, The Daily Drool

Aug 09

Grumpy for no reason

(sigh)

One of those days… a day when I woke up, walked around, saw a movie, and went to bed, with the GRUMP.

I can’t explain it- maybe it’s to do with being a hormonal human, destined to ride an emotional roller coaster every damn month, with no idea to which highs or lows you will travel… all controlled by the moon – which waxes and wanes not-so-poetic – on days like these.

(did-I-already-SIGH?)

But an upswing to my down – I saw SALT today and really enjoyed it.  Although, how a skinny-Minnie like Jolie, who can’t possibly weigh more than a buck twenty five when wet, AND loaded down with a bullet-proof vest, AND… oh… maybe a canon or two?  could inflict that much damage on Leiv Schriber is a teensy bit outside my suspension of disbelief.  I mean, I really enjoyed the twists and turns and I thought a lot of the fights were pretty realistic… but, c’mon.  Leiv Schriber is a giant!

Then again, Angelina Jolie is kind of amazing.

I will say, I walked out of the theater wishing I could beat up a couple of the men who have “wronged” me… But then again, I am having one hell of a grumpy day.

I officially start my new job this week.  I say officially because last week I had a couple good meetings to sort of get my feet wet and start figuring out exactly what it is I’m going to be doing.  The funny thing is that I’m excited, and totally freaked out.  Change has always been frightening for me, this seems to be no different.  I’ve taught.  I’ve acted.  I’ve waited tables and I’ve made copies… But being in Prescott, with scant but the fumes of an almost exhausted screenwriting paycheck left in my bank account (a paycheck that, were said writer-of-check to extend another offer, would have to be doubled… and perhaps then some) – with nary a friend within 400 miles, and with naught but frustrating pats on the back for all my stage work to show for it… well, I’m looking at this new job with one nervous little eye.

Did I mention I was pretty damn grumpy today too?  Makes everything seem a bit more impossible.

Anyway, I will say that I got a little hosuecleaning done today in the mail-out department, with some scripts all primed and ready to send out.  That always feels good… Let’s hope that the recipients are moved to call me and get my work on their stages!  YES!

because I’m seriously ready to run screaming into the desert night in a frustrated tornado of disappointment if something wonderful doesn’t happen with my writing soon.

You hear me?  I sure hope someone does.

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Posted in Playwriting, The Daily Drool

Jul 27

Keeping Score

Some days I feel like I’ve been absolutely inert- like I moved home to escape the Big Bad Cloud of ‘Yech” I’d been drowning in, only to wind up hiding in a Big Still Cloud of “So, What Now?”  But then someone reminded me that I’ve been really productive-  like, one screenplay, one new stage play, two ten minute plays, and a rewrite of the aforementioned screenplay kind of productive – all in under 4 months.

That’s not too bad.

I’ve also completely redesigned my photography website, helped outline some education and a new play festival programming at the local theatre company, and had a not-s0-wild foray into the not-so-exciting world of the Census.

So why do I still feel… stagnant?

I think it’s because that while these things feel good to have under my belt, I still don’t know where the heck this belt, or what it’s attached to, is going.  Sometimes I just want to scream “WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?!”  like I’d get some big booming answer from the heavens… then again, it would probably reply back “How about a Big Mac and one of those really sweet shakes?”  or something else completely maddening, because the universe does not provide ready answers… it speaks a strange blend of riddle and complete obviousness… like, the solution could, literally, be right in front of my face, but because I am looking so hard, I might not see it for months.

(sigh)

So I guess, in regards to all the anxiety and wonder and fear, the thing to do right now is go spend some time with a brand new little human who has no need for such large questions… Yup, I’m headed to LA in the morning.  And I’m damn happy about it.  Not only will I get to meet baby Ethan, but I’ll also get to spend some time with some of my most favorite people.  I miss them so much, and I can’t wait to laugh and chat and eat at Chin Chin  (clears throat suggestively)

Meanwhile, I’m all caught up writing deadline wise – knock on wood, you never know when there’s going to be a sudden rush –  and so this weekend will truly be about enjoying my friends… and maybe the beach.  Which is good, because next week I start at my new job – the one at the college that hasn’t really been defined yet… I’m excited for that.  Maybe this new step will help ease some of the panic of the unknown (at least I’ll know what I’m going to be doing for a little while.)

And in the meanwhile, I’ll try to post… but I can’t make any promises it will be steady :)

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Posted in The Daily Drool

Jul 20

Traveling Scribe

I’m blogging again for the Los Angeles Female Playwrights Initiative!  Yay!  Which means this weeks Awds and Ends posts might be a bit scant – but you can read what I’m up to with the ladies of LA at THIS LINK.

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Posted in Playwriting

Jul 09

Whew! What a day!

Ahhh, the happy but still anxious feeling that comes from a successful interview – and when I say “Successful” I mean it in the highly personal way that comes from being prepared, confident, passionate, and as much yourself as you can be.  I won’t know if it was “Successful” in the “I GOT THE JOB” way until Monday or Tuesday, BUT… come what may, I walked out of there feeling like I made a great case for myself.

God, I hope they hire me!

It’s really interesting to be able to look at myself and nod at how far I’ve come.  My life hasn’t followed a “conventional” path – student to actor to writer and beyond… I teach, I write, I take photographs of random celebrities , I lead writing groups, I am a one-woman band and I enjoy the music I make.  But I never would have thought, never could have predicted, that this “Me” was waiting… waiting for me to grow into her shoes.

I walked out of my interview today thinking “Wow, I’ve grown up…”  I felt tall and strong.  I have become quite comfortable talking to people  I even enjoyed the challenge of answering the interview questions.  (And boy-howdy, I hope they liked my answers!)  I walked back to my car smiling and skipping and  silently chanting “Hire me, Hire ME, HIRE ME!”  In fact, I think I was chanting/praying for that the whole way home, haha.

Because although I have the delicious feeling of doing everything I could do (oh, of course there are some last minute thoughts about what else I could have said for seasoning – to get just a little more “Tiffany” into their picture – that’s only natural) the next part of this journey is completely out of my hands.

Instead, it’s in the hands of those fabulous people I just met.

And I have to believe that they will make the right decision to hire (who?) ME.

(sigh)

I might still be a little keyed up from all the adrenaline.

In any case, thanks to all of you out there crossing fingers and toes and sending positive thoughts my way.  If you can keep it going for just a few more days, I’ll appreciate it.  Word on campus is that a decision should be coming my way Monday or Tuesday… let’s hope it’s an offer with my name on it – and I promise you there will be cheering and singing pouring from my fingers then!

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Posted in The Daily Drool

Jun 28

Ants in my Pants

It’s always this way… I reach the “first -end – point” (no script is truly finished until it’s produced/published/you die) – and the result is that I get CaRaZy cabin-fever.

Only this time I’m in P-town, looking around myself in abject confusion… WHAT DO I DO?

I don’t have the money to go on a field trip (but a margarita by the Hard Rock hotel pool sure would be nice right about now) and I don’t have my favorite posse a few minutes away…( Where is that instant teleportation device, science guy? ) and… and… AGH.

I don’t know what to do with myself.

It’s due to the complete focus and sense of responsibility I have when I’m working on a project.  It’s hard for me to relax even nominally when in the throes of creating something, so that when I’m finally, finally out the other side of things, the enormity of the world before me demands I do something really, really fun to celebrate it.

I just haven’t cultivated any sort of social life here yet.   I don’t know how people meet other people except through school and work… and book clubs?  I mean, I guess I need to get OUT and make some friends (waaahh) but I am not good at just jumping into things.

Anyway, the point of the post is this: I’ve got a case of the squirmy wormies and if I don’t do something about it soon I might… just… write another play?

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Posted in The Daily Drool

Jun 27

82 pages in 12 days, say what?

I don’t know if this play is super-awesome-amazing-WOW, but I do know that there are some pretty frickin’ fantastic things going on with it.

1- I wrote it in under two weeks.  Beginning to End – no outline, no scene sketches – just a very clear picture of the characters and each scene in my head as part of an occasional, on-going, daydream.  HOLY.  CRAP.

2- This is the first play I have EVER written in one saved draft – meaning, it’s on my computer as CRICKET WOMAN MOTHER EARTH one and one time ony.  I did not save earlier drafts, make changes and save anew, make more changes, root around for some answers, curse my impatience, save another draft, etc…  This is it.  This is how it came out.  KA-BOOM.

3- The script appears (in my my mind) to be very producable – there is use of t.v. screens in the world of the play, but other than that, no extraordinary feats of theatrical impossibility, unlike most of my plays.  And yet, it’s not a kitchen sink play by any means.  (maybe this is why it was easier to write – no impossible story angles to try and wrangle…)

And I think that’s enough reason to be impressed with myself for one night.  Like I said, I don’t know how the play rates on the awesome index, but as far as process goes, I give this a self-rated “Holy Shit!”

Now… to what my creative circle thinks – and then the world… Mwuahahahahahahaha!

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Posted in Playwriting, The Daily Drool

Jun 25

I imagine it goes something like this…

Okay, I get stuck at my computer a lot basically live at my computer desk.  There are snacks in the cubby holes where cds used to sit, and I think I’ve developed a permanent crick from the wonky-way I sit.   I would draw you a picture, but I can’t draw, sooooo, courtesy of the world wide web, I’ve found something close:

Yes, Tiffany writes like a monkey. Only her feet are usually tucked up beneath her, mid-crouch.

I think the headquarters title is fitting too, since I can drop a lot of swears while I’m working.

Anyway, the point is, I’m at my desk a lot.

Things like laundry, and dishes… they just pile up.  The real work, the important stuff, is all happening inside my brain, sliding down my fingers, knocking against the keyboard, and filling up the screen.  Ahhh, the good life.

But then, the other night, mid-brilliance (haha) I got paw-smacked by Midnite… Midnite who was yowling YOWLING at me “MEEEEOWmeowMEEowMeOwMEOOOOWWW” for God knows how long before she got fed up, took a running leap, and dive-bombed my pretty little lap.

I looked down at her.

She looked up at me.

I swear to God she beamed the following into my puny computerized skull:

“Listen up buttmunch, If we cats had thumbs we would rule the world.  We would build cat palaces miles high and have you humans playing servant and cleaning our bowls with your creepily soft tongues.  We would institute a mandatory nap hour every other hour across the globe, and legalize the sale of all human herbal pacifiers ( you drug us with catnip, it would only be fair of us to return the favor.)   And if I had thumbs I would march into that kitchen right now, open my own can of food and chow down so that you don’t have to pry your precious flesh away from that overstuffed faux-leather (cheapskate) chair for even one stupid second.  But I don’t.  So I can’t.  So you better get off your ass and FEED ME, NOW or I will defecate in your pillows a pile so tremendous, so appalling, that even your children will wrinkle their nose every night before they drift off to sleep.  Do you hear me, Human?!  Well, DO YA?”

Yeah, I hopped up and fed her right away.

Wouldn’t you?

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Posted in The Daily Drool

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