An interesting thing is going on inside my frenzied mind… and by interesting I mean “Damn Frustrating”… You see, I feel so impossibly mired in the drek of career paralysis that I’m wandering aimless.

And not getting very far.

I think it’s something to do with the fact that my job is just unexpected enough to keep me feeling busy, while not necessarily driving me forward at all.  Then I get home and I look at the computer and I feel such frustration with my seeming inability to move forward as a playwright that I can’t muster myself to write because I keep thinking “What’s the point?!”

Which is to say, I’m getting in my own way a lot right now.

And I’m not quite sure how to knock it the f*** off.

So instead of doing anything about it, I’m blogging… which I suppose, in it’s own way, is a bit of a forward step – but it doesn’t address the issue at hand – which is HOW do I get my ass back in gear and stop letting the impossibility of it all overwhelm me into nothingness?

One of my UCLA friends once told me that he got a film made by being ballsy enough to just say “I’m making it” to anyone and everyone he talked to about it.  His small budget coupled with some serious crazy determination (and his great talent) led to an incredibly industrious undertaking and successful outcome.

I love thinking about his story, because so often we talk to people who tell us why what we want to do is impossible, improbable, and down right insane, that it’s inspiring to hear someone talk about how they didn’t let any of that nay-saying get in their way.

…Even if once in a while we do succumb to the weight of it all…

But then we need to think about all the reasons why it WILL work, why we CAN succeed, and press ahead anyway.

I’m thinking specifically about Little Black Dress INK at the moment… my lofty plans for a traveling festival are mighty lofty indeed.

But I’m feeling a little better already, just having reminded myself of that one success story

So why not leave you with a little fun – this is the new short film by my inspiring friend, Jared Drake.  It’s only about 12 minutes long – and I think you’ll enjoy it!

And – last thought on the subject for today – I think it’s the powerlessness that so overwhelms… Here you are, this creative person with enough “Wow” to get only so far before you start needing others to believe in and support/invest in your “Wow”…  Maybe the trick is trying like/fighting like hell to be able to support your own “Wow” without needing those outsiders so much. There are, after all, many ways to get your work made/seen… if you self-produce awesomely enough, you can sometimes lift yourself up that ladder of success a lot easier than you think – and at the very least, you’re not sitting still, waiting for someone else to do it in the process.