Jan 22

On Readings

The thing about surrendering control of a play to a staged reading is that it renders you as powerless as the rest of the audience.  You become nothing more than a (high-stakes) observer – helpless to correct actor’s missteps, unable to clarify a misspoken line, and useless to make certain anyone sees what you see in this seed of an idea.

You sit.

You wait.

You cringe and chuckle and sweat.

And at the end of it all, you sit and listen to your fellow observers (though you are now center stage) – an exhibition to ask questions of, offer advice to, and seek story solace from… all in the hopes of helping you make the play better… all under the guise of shared responsibility to help you “develop” your script.

And if you’re lucky, you write enough of what is said down so that you can look at it later… when you’re alone… back in the comfort of your unobserved work space.  And you hope that it will somehow help you solve your act break SNAFU, a character aberration, or some other detail that’s been bothering you (or your readers).

You hope that anyone present with the ability to advance your career liked your play enough (or your comments/laugh/shoes enough – you’re not picky) to remember you and maybe invite you to play at their theatre somehow.  You hope that if this damn play gets read enough, the next theater that tells you they like it will do something more than just present it as a reading, because really, you’ve already put this play through 10 million (or 6) of those already and isn’t it about time someone started putting productions where their compliments are?

Because you’re a playwright.

And Playwriting is messy, public business.

And you can’t wait to get into a bigger, more public arena, with new actors and directors, where you are once again rendered helpless in the back of a (bigger) audience as the curtain rises…

Sweating even bigger bullets.

 

 

 


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Jan 15

Paralysis

An interesting thing is going on inside my frenzied mind… and by interesting I mean “Damn Frustrating”… You see, I feel so impossibly mired in the drek of career paralysis that I’m wandering aimless.

And not getting very far.

I think it’s something to do with the fact that my job is just unexpected enough to keep me feeling busy, while not necessarily driving me forward at all.  Then I get home and I look at the computer and I feel such frustration with my seeming inability to move forward as a playwright that I can’t muster myself to write because I keep thinking “What’s the point?!”

Which is to say, I’m getting in my own way a lot right now.

And I’m not quite sure how to knock it the f*** off.

So instead of doing anything about it, I’m blogging… which I suppose, in it’s own way, is a bit of a forward step – but it doesn’t address the issue at hand – which is HOW do I get my ass back in gear and stop letting the impossibility of it all overwhelm me into nothingness?

One of my UCLA friends once told me that he got a film made by being ballsy enough to just say “I’m making it” to anyone and everyone he talked to about it.  His small budget coupled with some serious crazy determination (and his great talent) led to an incredibly industrious undertaking and successful outcome.

I love thinking about his story, because so often we talk to people who tell us why what we want to do is impossible, improbable, and down right insane, that it’s inspiring to hear someone talk about how they didn’t let any of that nay-saying get in their way.

…Even if once in a while we do succumb to the weight of it all…

But then we need to think about all the reasons why it WILL work, why we CAN succeed, and press ahead anyway.

I’m thinking specifically about Little Black Dress INK at the moment… my lofty plans for a traveling festival are mighty lofty indeed.

But I’m feeling a little better already, just having reminded myself of that one success story :)

So why not leave you with a little fun – this is the new short film by my inspiring friend, Jared Drake.  It’s only about 12 minutes long – and I think you’ll enjoy it!

And – last thought on the subject for today – I think it’s the powerlessness that so overwhelms… Here you are, this creative person with enough “Wow” to get only so far before you start needing others to believe in and support/invest in your “Wow”…  Maybe the trick is trying like/fighting like hell to be able to support your own “Wow” without needing those outsiders so much. There are, after all, many ways to get your work made/seen… if you self-produce awesomely enough, you can sometimes lift yourself up that ladder of success a lot easier than you think – and at the very least, you’re not sitting still, waiting for someone else to do it in the process.

 


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Dec 31

And because I did a better end-of-the-year blog over here…

Check out my posts on the LAFPI site!


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Dec 31

Obligatory New Year’s Eve Post

I’ve been trying to muster a really epic New Year’s Eve post.  I’ve been thinking about all the things this time of year represents to everybody and all the promises they make to themselves at the onset of each January 1st…

But I don’t like to make resolutions.

I don’t feel the turning of the calendar is some sort of magical reset button that so many seem to do… I measure “resets” with major life shifts instead.

Which means I’ve hit that “reset” button at many different times in my life, not just at the pre-ordained January 1st deadline.

And I think I like that better… to be able to measure my life by my own periods of growth or healing as they happen rather than regimented 12 month chunks.  Considering what happened between my own mile markers feels much more a measure of time and progress.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t also enjoy a good New Years Eve.  The Fella and I will celebrate the end of the holiday season with some seafood and a very interesting new Prescott tradition: the Boot Drop.  Yes – Whiskey Row is dropping a 6 foot boot instead of a ball, and I’m not going to miss that!

And then tomorrow I’ll get back on track with the things that I’m doing/working on/scheming about today, only it will be 2012… and I won’t have any of that “Unkept” resolution guilt or pressure to freak me out along the way.

May you also be gentle to yourself, allow yourself to enjoy the holiday, and then keep working towards your own goals and dreams in 2012… and may you also celebrate your own little shifts and life moments along the way!


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Dec 27

Feeding 7 Cats

My brother just graduated and is applying to a very cool Americorps project that won’t start until mid-January.  In the meanwhile (while he waits to find out whether or not he’s been accepted) he’s staying with us…

He and his two (adorable) cats.

In a house of 3 permanent and 2 refugee kitties (mine of course).

That makes SEVEN.

Seven cats.

Woof, achoo, and God Bless – wish us luck.


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Dec 22

iLove

So – I’m admittedly late to the party – but I have to confess I’m in love with my iPhone.

I fought the attraction for years – first it was timing: “But I’ve just signed a new contract”, then it was rumors: “AT&T service just isn’t as good as Verizon”, and then it was shame “I can’t possibly go 100% Apple, can I? What kind of sick, idolatrous consumerist am I?” but finally, as though the universe itself was pushing us towards one another, Verizon got the iPhone and my old phone went kaput.

So here, for you who have not yet made the step, are a few thoughts on why the iPhone is a super genius way to go:

  • I’ve never heard anyone say they hate their iPhone – but I hear people cursing every other cellular gadget out there.
  • AppleCare.  Forget the “Sorry you’re an idiot” face that Verizon makes when you accidentally destroy your phone (ahem) – Apple will at least try to help you out of a jam, as long as you’re not too big of an idiot.
  • If, in two years, I succumb to whatever new incarnation the iPhone offers, I’ll *probably* be able to sell my old iPhone for approximately the cost of the upgrade.
  • It feels good in your paws.
  • It’s easy to use – you can’t beat Apple’s intuitive programming.
  • It takes Super high-quality photos! (and this coming from my photographer soapbox)
  • It does a ton of other amazing things that much more qualified tech-reviewers than I have already written about ad nauseum.

So, instead of go on about what it can do, I’d like to get a little personal for a moment.

I had an epiphany as I was heading in to work today…  A few months ago when my Droid died, I went into a complete technological spin.  It wasn’t that I needed a cool gadget to show off (I don’t run in that kind of crowd) and it wasn’t that I am a tech-head who is constantly plugged in (although I do plug in more often than I’d like to admit.)  No.  I went into a spin because I so closely connected my phone with the people I stay in touch with on it; The Fella and I are constantly texting, my girl friends send me pics from afar, I took pictures with it frequently…  When the Droid passed (and I still had two months to go before my renewal discount could kick in), I was saddled with a piece of retro hell – no text, no camera, obnoxious mechanical rings that made me want to scream, and miserable battery life – all this thing was designed to do was call people.  It was just a phone.

And I barely ever used my phone to just talk…

So when my friend Denea sent me a replacement for my replacement, I nearly cried with relief – it was a BlackBerry and it did a lot of the things I needed it to do – Thank you Denea, Thank you! – but it always felt borrowed and I never felt like it completely fit my communication style or my propensity to surf the web/check my facebook/etc.  I certainly never felt like it was an accurate emissary for those I stay in touch with the most.

Then I met my little iPhone and once again felt truly connected to my friends and family and the world… and it’s weird, really really weird, that this little device could come to represent so many faces and voices to me, but it does.

So now I at least understand why (even if it is embarassing to admit) I was in such a bad temper when my Droid bit the dust – and it explains why I’ve been so blissed out to have this mini-do-it-all-device in my pocket for the last two weeks.  It’s not just a gadget, it’s a stand in for all those I stay in touch with.

And that’s one thing I think Apple does better than anyone else – it makes you feel connected and part of a whole – as a consumer – while taking care of you… it’s one of the reasons Steve Jobs was such a genius – he gets you to buy his super-cool items and then gets you to convince your friends and family to buy his super-cool items, because you want them to be part of the Apple family as well.

(sigh)

Which is all to say, I’m officially an iPimp… So have you bought your iGadget yet?


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Dec 21

The Giving Fun

My two favorite holidays are Christmas and the 4th of July – I think it has to do with both of those holidays being HUGE in my hometown; For the 4th of July, Prescott has the “The World’s Oldest Rodeo” claims along with week-long (or more) run of 4th festivities, and for Christmas, we earned the title of “Arizona’s Christmas City” when I was in grade school (I think it was grade school time anyway) – We haven’t let go of that title since.

I think both of these hugely celebrated events also appealed to my cooky family, which made them all the more fun – we get to hang out a lot when there are so many reasons to skip work, play, and eat in celebration.

In any case, Christmas is fast approaching (like, super fast!) and I’m just not completely feeling its presence yet.  Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been going like a freight train myself the past couple months and haven’t had time to “feel” Christmas approach… or maybe it’s because although the tree is up and stockings are hung, my empty bank account has limited how much cheer I can give away this year.

I don’t know.

But I am happy to say that (although on a budget) I am done with my Christmas Shopping – and I’m SUPER happy to say that I can’t wait for everyone to open their gifts because I had so much fun picking them out.

I have always loved buying gifts for everyone – sometimes I’m so excited about a found gift that I want to give it to the recipient early (I’m usually more excited than they are.)  Which is fun, because at my house it’s never about “What am I going to get?!” but rather, “How can I disguise this super-awesome gift” …

Because Antone Family tradition is you have to guess what’s inside the box before you can open it!

I think my parents started this ‘game’ because as kids, Christmas was always over so fast… sitting around the fireplace, taking turns guessing what’s in each package turns the whole event into a group experience, makes it last a looooong time, and gaurantees lots of laughter and grinning cheeks.

It also ensure creative and sneaky wrapping to try and fool one another.

So, as I sit prepare my gifts to wrap, I will also be raiding the cupboards for soup cans and pasta boxes to add weight and mystery to some of these things, scouring the garage for unusual boxes and bubble wrap, and otherwise scheming away (See, the pre-game part is even fun!)

And for any of you who want to try it out  - the “Guess” has to be whether you think the item is something you’re going to wear, eat, play with, look at, etc… not exactly the item – unless you’re my dad, who somehow seems to know which box contains jeans, books on motorcycles, or whatever insane unknowable item you would never imagine he’d be able to guess but guesses anyway.

Yes, I’m excited.  May you each enjoy your own Christmas/Hanukkah/and more traditions this year as well :)


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Dec 20

Face in the Clouds

Remember how just a few days ago I was bemoaning the lack of magic in our world?  Take a look at the video below – you have to get to the end before you see it – but there is a face at the helm of the clouds moving into this Canadian neighborhood…

Can you imagine seeing this 300 years ago before science had an answer for everything… when faeries and witches all seemed a little nearer possible?

I love this!  I love the way the wonder of what I am seeing transports me to a more humble origin – one in which I can delight in the mystery of the sky, imagine what forces be at their wheel, and feel – for a moment – as though magic still reigns ethereal above.


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Dec 18

Nearly 2012

It’s wet outside… the clouds are hanging so low over the mountains, they nearly look to have been swallowed.

I wonder, on days like this, in a time when magic still seamed possible, if anyone ever did wake up and think that’s what had happened.

Sometimes I miss magic more than anything, finding the real world too grounded for comfort and science’s ready answers disappointing.

Sometimes.

But today, I’m sitting at the kitchen table looking out into a world shrouded in mystery, gobbled up by the troposphere…. and it is beautiful.

I haven’t been writing here regularly – I’ve been too busy wearing the hat of a producer and game-coordinator to tap out any sort of anything worth reading.  I’ve been happy to be so busy with a project I believe in – and I’ve loved working with my beau to such great ends.   I’ve also been busy at work with some work projects, and then this weekend, as everything else started to slow down for once, little brother graduated from college.

I’m so proud!

So it’s been a busy couple of months.

But I think I’m going to be able to start getting back into the blogging groove… Hopefully you haven’t all given up on me :P

 

 


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Nov 28

Dog Tired

I don’t know where the saying comes from, but damn, I know how that proverbial dog feels.

Cason and I have been working like a couple of insomniacs the past two weeks on our Twelve Days of Christmas Scavenger Hunt promotion – it’s fun, it’s ambitious, it’s been a LOT of work.

But I’ve got that happy-in-my-bones feeling too – which is what (I suppose) kept the midnight oil burning this whole crazy time- because it’s OUR project.

And that’s awesome.

Because at heart, I’m a fairly independent and self-directed person.  I thrive on my own passionate projects even when they don’t pay me, so to be working on such a cool creation as this (with such a funny, wonderful, and inspiring co-conspirator as C) is super rewarding… even done on barely any sleep, inky fingers and all.

So, with that, I’m tucking in for the night.  I’m going to refuel on the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers, and crawl this tired body into bed, and hope that I can get up in the morning to get back to work for the people that actually pay me, now that I spent my entire vacation at work for US.

 

 


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